..... I would go back in time and punch Herman Melville.
They should make the prisoners in Gitmo read Moby Dick. Wait a minute... That would probably be considered torture and is right up there with water-boarding.
Universities should automatically give students an English degree (at least honorary) if they can read that book in a single semester.
In all seriousness, I spent 3 years trying fo finish it and was never able. I know it's considered a classic piece of American literature and a literary masterpiece, but who made that determination. I enjoyed the story of chasing the whale, but I can do without the 100-page rambling tangents. If I wanted to read that, I'd just read my own ramblings. It sure be easier to understand...
I'm not sure if I've ever met anyone who has read Moby Dick in its entirety, but if you have - my hat is off to you fine sir or madam.